when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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