I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
