i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
