last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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