I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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