Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
