Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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