he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
