Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
