I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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