remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
