is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
