Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
time to smoke my breakfast
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am available for nakedness
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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