College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
