Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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