clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
