By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
