so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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