eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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