My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
too bad you live with your parents still
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
