Cold hands, warm shart.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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