I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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