just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
