so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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