awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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