you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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