If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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