the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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