a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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