they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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