He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
