And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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