hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
