my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
