My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
