Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
