Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
