it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
