and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
