God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
