He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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