I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
