wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
