Cold hands, warm shart.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she peed on how many people?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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