I wish I could teleport
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
