they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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