All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
