I cockslap morals
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
