Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
