I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
