i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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