Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
