She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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