Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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