i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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