Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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