I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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